The Journal
by KayraCousland
Summary: Alistair never thought his life would change simply by reading an old journal but he was soon to discover that everything he has been told as a child was a lie...
1. Chapter 1

_This story contains spoilers from the book _Dragon Age: The Calling _so for those who have not read it yet and intend to I would advise to not read this story just yet. _

_When I played _Dragon Age: Origins_ and Alistair told the truth about his father I hated Maric for what he did. Later I read _The Stolen Throne_ and, though Maric is the main character and quite charming I must admit, I still hated him a bit. But at the end of _The Calling_ I couldn't hate him anymore. Instead I hated the way they depicted him in the game. They led everyone to believe he was an asshole who abandoned the son he had with a woman that wasn't the Queen. But everything was a lie after all. So this story comes from that misinformation I have been fed during _Origins _and the revelation I had in_ The Calling_. I hope you will like my little fantasy and thanks for reading and reviewing. :)  
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Alistair sighted with exasperation at the pile of papers littering his desk. He didn't mind being King anymore, some days he even enjoyed it. But surely not days like today when Eamon would drop a pile of papers for him to read. He leaned back in his chair as he felt the beginning of a headache. He closed his eyes and pressed his fingers on his temples, massaging them in an attempt to ease the pain.

"Am I interrupting something?"

Alistair opened his eyes to greet the woman standing in the door. Ever since he met Kayra Cousland in Ostagar Alistair knew he wanted to be with her. She was the first and only woman he ever loved, the only one who truly understood him. He smiled tenderly at his wife.

"Is there something I can do for you, my love?" he asked, rising from his chair to embrace her tenderly.

"I have something for you." she said as she handed him a small book.

Alistair took the book in his hand and looked at her curiously. "Thanks, I guess." She remained silent, her eyes still on the book. "Kayra, why are you giving me this? You know I do not like to read as much as you do."

"I think this one will interest you. It is your father's journal."

"My what? Where ...where did you find it?" he asked, shocked.

"Well hidden in our room. I found it by accident."

Alistair looked at the book, wondering what he should do with it. He had met Maric only once but the King never talked to him, he merely looked at him, probably shocked at seeing his son for the first time. He knew that journal was the only way he would ever get "close" to his father but was it really something he wanted? As he grew up Alistair learned to despise the man who made his life a living hell without even being a part of it. After all, everyone who knew the truth either despised him or treated him differently. Everyone, except Kayra.

"You read it." Alistair whispered, his eyes going back to his wife.

"I did. And so should you."

"No. I never knew him. He never cared and I don't either." Alistair stated as he handed back the book to Kayra.

"Alistair, you really should read it. There are things you should know about him." Kayra was handing the book back and he took it reluctantly.

"Fine, if it pleases you, I will read it." He rolled his eyes as he took the book.

Kayra sighted. "I am not asking you to do it for me. I know what is in the book and you need to know it as well."

OooooooO

Alistair closed the book, unable to think straight as anger boiled in his veins. He rose from his seat and stormed out of the room, the book in hand. He headed to the library where he found his wife reading near a window. She smiled but when she saw the anger in his eyes the smile faded.

"Where is Eamon?"

"You finished it." she said, stating the fact more than asking.

"Where is he?"

"In the throne room, I think." Alistair left the library, his wife following him. "Alistair, wait. You should calm down, I'm sure there is an explanation." she said but his pace accelerated and she remained behind as he made his way to the throne room.

Eamon was talking with a man and when he saw the King he knew something had gone wrong. He could feel Alistair's anger and he steeled himself for the outburst he felt was coming.

"You lied to me!" Alistair shouted at Eamon. "All those years, you lied!"

Eamon looked at Alistair curiously. "I don't understand what you're talking about."

"Don't! No more lies. I want the truth now."

"Alistair, why don't you tell me what is upsetting you?" Eamon said as he led Alistair to a chair.

Alistair threw the book to Eamon who caught it between trembling fingers. He looked at it and recognized the writing as being Maric's. "What is it?"

"Maric's journal. When he travelled to the Deep Roads with the Grey Wardens." Alistair answered as if it would explain everything.

"I still don't understand. I knew he travelled with them but I never knew the existence of this journal."

"Maybe you should read the last entry and explain."

Eamon did as asked and flipped the pages to the last entry. He read the small paragraph and gasped as he understood why the man was so furious. "I did what he asked."

"All those years you let me think he never wanted me. You even told me my mother was dead when she was alive!"

"I didn't know about your mother, he never explained. He just said you couldn't stay in Denerim." Eamon stared at the young man beside him, he could feel his pain and confusion in the air and he didn't know what to tell him. "Alistair, I am sorry. Maric didn't want you to know."

Eamon's eyes shifted to the woman entering the room and he motioned her to come before rising. "You need to calm down. We can talk about this later though I don't know much." He squeezed Alistair's shoulder amicably.

Alistair nodded as Kayra sat in the chair Eamon vacated. She put her hand on her husband's cheek and made him look at her.

"Alistair, talk to me."

"All my life I thought I was a burden to him. I hated him so much for rejecting me without even knowing me." Alistair felt the tears roll on his cheek. Kayra took him in her arms and he buried his face in her shoulder. "Everything they told me ... I always thought I meant nothing. And Duncan ... I can't believe she was a Grey Warden and he never told me. She was his friend."

"They did what your mother wanted. She tried to protect you."

"Protect me from what?" he asked, anger in his voice.

"She was an elf and a mage. She didn't want you to have that life. And she didn't want people to see you as a threat to Cailan. That's why she asked Maric to send you away. And he did because he loved her, and I am sure he loved you." She brushed his tears tenderly and smiled at him. "Maybe your mother is still alive."

"Maybe."

"See the bright side of it. Goldanna is not your sister." Kayra grinned which brought a smile on Alistair's face though he struggled not to.

"That is a relief." Alistair replied as he took her in his arms.

"Maybe you should try to find her." Kayra whispered in his ear.

Millions of thoughts crossed Alistair's mind at that moment. What was he supposed to do? What if his mother was still alive? What would he tell her if he found her? Would she even know who he is? Would she want to know him or send him away again for his own protection? _Maybe reading that journal wasn't a good idea._ Alistair told himself. He felt more confused now than he ever felt before...


	2. Chapter 2

Alistair was attentively watching the elven woman practice her spell. Once again he wondered if he was making the biggest mistake of his life. He turned around and started down the hall to the door that would lead him to the exit, away from Weisshaupt and away from her. He stopped in the middle of the hall and took a deep breath. Maybe the mistake would be to go back to Denerim without knowing.

Alistair stood still as he debated with himself what to do. He could feel his heart pounding furiously in his chest, his hands moist, his fingers cold, his throat so dry it hurt to swallow. He turned to face the door he just left. He could see a glimpse of her, her back still facing him, still concentrating on her spell. He took another deep breath and before he could change his mind he headed back to the door.

"Excuse me, are you Fiona?" he asked, hoping his voice was steadier than he felt.

The woman turned to face him as she answered his question.

"Yes, what do -" Her words died before crossing her lips, her fingers releasing their grip on her staff that collapsed on the stone floor of the fortress. "Maker..." she whispered, her face livid as blood was drained from it, her eyes opening wide. She stared at Alistair as if he was a ghost of a long forgotten past. Slowly she regained her senses, blood rushing back to her face. "I am sorry. For a moment I thought you were someone else." Alistair detected sadness in her voice.

"Wait, let me help you." he said as he picked up the staff and handed it back to her. She took it and he noticed her hands were trembling. "My name is Alistair and I..." He stopped in the middle of his sentence, wondering what he should say.

Was there a good way to tell her he thought he was her son? What if she wasn't the Fiona Maric mentioned? Deep down he knew there was no possible mistakes. She was his mother. Alistair supposed she knew too by the way she looked at him when she saw him. He tried to steel himself; he has often been in situations that made him nervous but nothing compared to this. He couldn't start babbling now. Maybe the solution was to take things slowly, try to know her before asking her. But before he could utter a word she spoke.

"You look so much like him." Her expression saddened. He noticed the tears in her eyes as she fixed them on him. She made a move towards him, her hand extending but she stopped her movement, her hand returning at her side. "Not here." she added before leading him to a small room.

He sat in a chair and let his eyes wandered around the room. It was small, filled with old books but no personal objects were decorating it. His eyes went back to her; she was staring straight at him, her expression blank.

"They promised." was all she said, her voice no louder than a whisper. She wasn't angry at the thought of the broken promise, instead she was sad. Was she trying to convince herself he couldn't be real?

Alistair couldn't hold her gaze any longer. He knew he was hurting the woman, forcing her to relive a moment she probably tried to forget over the years.

"They didn't break the promise they made to you. My wife found the journal Maric hid in his room. She gave it to me. I am sorry, maybe I shouldn't have come. It was a bad idea." He rose from his seat but she grabbed his wrist and made him sit back.

"I never thought I would see you again." Her fingers caressed his cheek gently, she smiled. "I thought it would be easier to let you go, but it wasn't." The sadness returned in her eyes as she leaned back in her chair.

"Why did you leave me then?" he asked, his voice quavering.

"Don't you see? I am an elf, and a mage. You are human; you had a possibility I never had. I wanted you to have a good life." She stopped talking for a moment, her eyes filling with tears. "So many times I wondered what you looked like, what you were doing, what kind of man you had become. At least I knew you were safe, Duncan promised us to look after you."

"My father, how was he?" Alistair asked shyly. A smile appeared on her face, her eyes brightening.

"He was a nice man. He was nothing one could except from a king." She laughed softly, her fingers brushing away a strand of hair. "How I hated him when we met but he never gave up. Always trying to be friendly, always talking to me even though I kept being mean to him. So many times I wanted to scream, tell him to stop talking. But when he stopped I realized how much I missed his constant chatter."

"Why hate him so?" Alistair asked curiously.

"I judged the title and not the man."

"What changed?"

"He promised to repay me for saving his life. I didn't trust him but he kept his promise; he saved my life. I understood he wasn't like the noble men I knew. He wasn't pretending to be a good man, he truly was." Fiona looked at her son fondly.

"I have seen him only once. I was eight." Alistair closed his eyes tight; trying to hide his tears as he recalled the painful memory. "I wasn't supposed to be there. I almost ran into him and when I looked up I met his eyes. His face was livid, he was shocked. I knew he wanted to say something but the words wouldn't come out. Then Arl Eamon arrived, he apologized for the incident and asked a servant to take me away. At the time I didn't know what he was to me, but that day I understood. I thought he acted that way because he had to face me, unprepared. I thought it was because he would have to accept the fact that I existed, that I would no longer be the illegitimate child without a face." Alistair brushed the tears he tried so hard to hold back all those years. "I thought he never cared about me."

"He cared about you more than you think. For a moment I thought he would refuse my request. I know he didn't want to let you go. He wanted us to stay but as much as I wanted to, I couldn't accept."

She laughed softly, the sound echoing in the small room. "Duncan told me Maric was furious when he learned you had been sent to the Chantry. He kept shouting at Eamon, telling him he trusted him. He wanted to get you out of there but Duncan was able to change his mind before he could do something. I admit I wished Duncan had been unable to reason with him, the idea of my son being a Templar..." her voice trailed off, she brushed her own tears.

"It was hard for him to accept but I think he understood my reasons. Too much were at stake, though I know things have not been as I expected for you." she said after a moment.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't want you to be seen as a possible threat to his other son. And Maric never wanted to be king; I didn't want you to be in line for the throne, to be tied to something that brought him grief. And here you are, everything I never wanted you to be. A Grey Warden and the king of Ferelden. All I wanted was for you to be happy, to have a perfect life."

"I am happy." Alistair smiled at her, the words never sounded truer to him. "As a Grey Warden and as king, I am truly happy."

She smiled back at him, relieved. "Yes, I can see it." She rose from her seat and for the first time in years she took her son in her arms, tears of joy rolling on her cheeks. She stepped back from him, her hands on his arms and she took a good look at her son. He was everything she imagined he would be; tall, handsome and a good man.

"You spoke of a wife before." Her smile broadened, bringing a new smile on Alistair's face and coloring his cheeks a deep shade of red.

"Her name is Kayra. She is the most beautiful, most understanding and kindest woman I've ever met. We met at Ostagar during the Blight, she was Duncan's newest recruit."

"Yes, I heard of her. She is the one who saved Ferelden by defeating the Archdemon. She is now Warden Commander of the Ferelden Wardens, right?"

"She was. She decided to remain at court." Alistair's blush deepened as he smiled. "We are expecting our first child."

"This is amazing." Fiona whispered as she took her son in her arms once more. Not only had she been reunited with the son she had lost so long ago, she would now have a grandchild as well. "I will have to travel to Denerim soon to meet your wife. And return to meet my grandchild."

"I would love that." was all Alistair could say as he enjoyed the moment he had dreamed of all his life.

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_This concludes my story The Journal and the reunion between Alistair and his real mother. I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading and reviewing :)_


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